i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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