The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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