Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
