does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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