so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Is it because I queefed?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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