so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
