Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
