don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
