she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
