My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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