It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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