just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Randomize
