6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
