its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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