k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
