how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
