too bad you live with your parents still
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
