We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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