Cold hands, warm shart.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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