I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
