I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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