hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
