I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
