I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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