funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
