I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
