i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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