he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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