There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
