capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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