totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
