Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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