my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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