I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
