I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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