so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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