It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So drunk its hurt
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
