I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
