I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
