she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
