i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
