Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Your penis caused this!
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
