Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
