APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
