The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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