your parents love me but you hate me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I did not marry a roomba.
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