I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
