im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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