He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
