were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
