in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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