Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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