There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
